Saturday, November 17, 2012

                     Ask The Pretend Goddess

I'm not Dear Abbey nor I am Miss Manners and God, I am not Dr. Laura. 
I am The Pretend Goddess, which means my advice to you is a bit more modern, saucy, yet timeless. 
Each week I will publish up to five questions that are submitted to me and answer them with my own brand of sarcasm and truth. 

Dear Pretend Goddess,
Should a person be so rude as to turn away a X-mas gift due to their inability to provide one in return?

*NO! Never turn away a gift. It's rude and insulting to the gift giver. I believe people give gifts, especially this time of year, simply because they want to give to the people they care about without expecting anything in return. I love giving gifts and picking out the perfect present for the people in my life who mean something to me. This may be hard to believe considering I'm saturated with materialistic greed, but I much prefer giving than receiving. It would hurt my feelings if someone didn't accept a gift and it would create a certain level of awkwardness. 
Now if you must, DIY gifts are popular now and budget friendly. I also believe they are as thoughtful as purchased gifts, if not more. 

Dear Pretend Goddess,
Should the host speak with the family member or guest that is not tending to their disruptive children that are visiting your home?

*YES! I do enjoy questions that involve ill-behaved children and clueless parents. I would suggest speaking with the parents in private though so as not to embarrass them in front of other guests. There are exceptions. If you've spoken to the parents and the children are still being disruptive, it is now the parents who are the problem, not the children. More times than not, it is clear that children act out and misbehave simply because their parents allow them to carry on without any consequence. If this is the case, step two would be for you to say something no matter who is in ear shot. Say what needs to be said with a level of class and a dash of sarcasm. For example, "Little Johnny is quite something. Where did he take his etiquette classes?" If that's not your style, I then suggest, "If you need to take your child to another room to have a talk with him about how to behave in someone else's home, you are more than welcome to use my room."
If a guest in YOUR HOME brings a child, whether this child is related to you or not, you are well within your right to address the child directly. That is if you've attempted to talk to the parents to no avail. For example, "Johnny, in my home XYZ is not allowed. You're disturbing me and the guests. I don't want to tell you again." Dear reader, if you are still having problems with this awful guest and their problem child, you need to tell them to leave. Think of the other guests who are trying to enjoy themselves and think of yourself too. You've taken yourself away from guests who have the common sense and decency to treat you and your home with respect. 

Dear Pretend Goddess,
Do I need to give my boss a Christmas gift?

*Absolutely not! If anything, your boss is to give you the gift. A Christmas, or to be PC, a holiday bonus is standard. No, you don't give your boss a gift. If you must, a tin of fresh-baked treats or bread is okay. By no means do you spend a dime on your boss on a material gift. 

Dear Pretend Goddess,
I am in my 30's and still single. I have tried dating websites, bars, church groups but still have yet to meet a long-term boyfriend. It would be nice to have a date over the holidays. 

*Well, first of all, who cares that you're in your 30's and still single? You do and that's who matters. I must say though, It's okay that you are in your 30's and still single. I wouldn't say that if I didn't speak from personal experience. I didn't meet my husband till I was in my 30's. But it took years of bad dates and a lot of self reflection. I began to ask myself why I wasn't meeting anyone who I deemed an acceptable partner. The answer for me was clear, I was dating the same type of man. I decided to try something different. I wrote down a list of the traits my usual type possessed. Then, I wrote down the traits in a man I desired. Finally, I narrowed my list down to three to five must-have, non-negotiable deal breaking qualities. With that, I changed my outlook and how I approached dating. I became more open and less critical. 
Look at your online dating service. Some are nothing more than online meat markets. There is one that springs to mind and it rhymes with "patch." Don't go out with anyone who has a shirtless profile pic. If I have to explain why, you're a lost cause and I can't help you. Same goes with mirror pics. Pathetic. 
Invest in a quality dating service. 
Skip the bar scene. It's no longer the right scene for a 30+ year old. It screams desperation and the men can sense it. Plus, don't "go home" with anyone that you meet at a bar. If you do go the bar route, give them your number. They may or may not call. Chances are, they won't. The reason is because alcohol was involved and the night they and yourself were out looking for is over and it's a new day. May I also add that I've noticed that the way you dress at the bar will indicate the type of man you attract that night. Don't try too hard. You don't have to dress like a librarian, but you shouldn't dress like you shop at Forever 21. 
Church groups. Don't join a church for the sheer purpose of meeting men. That's not what church is for. I suggest finding a church that is right for you and then join their singles group. 
I have to add as I've heard this a lot from single women who become defensive about their dating methods, "I've had a lot of long-term relationships with the above methods." 
Well, no you really haven't. The relationship ended and I'm guessing for the same reasons more times than not. The word that jumps out to me as a red flag is "a lot." Why a lot? Something isn't working. 
I know this may be difficult to hear, but you need to forget that the holiday season is approaching and avoid rushing to find a date for New Year's Eve. I compare someone rushing to find a date this time of year to someone with a giftcard running to the mall to buy something for the sake of buying something. 

Till Next Time, 
The Pretend Goddess


  1. Don't go for the shirtless profile pics. CLASSIC. Or the girls with booty's hanging out everywhere in the profile pic. I have had to rearrange my dating must haves and non negotiabls many times. It's an organic process that changes and rearranges as one gets older and wiser.

    Thanks for the advice Pretned Goddess.

    1. Thanks Alison! And thank you for the sweet card.
      Regarding the headaches of dating in your 30's it's just a whole new ballgame, for lack of a better expression. No more meeting people at college and how many friends can set you up without your head exploding?
      It's harder now. It just is. I'm not one to sugar coat anything. It sucks! I admittedly met my husband on eharmony almost 6 years ago and I was on the site for awhile. I began to feel like I was interviewing for a job and not on a date. It's a process. Though I highly recommend people stop doing what they did in their 20's to meet a partner.

  2. thanks for the feedback on the children that visit... i will do my best to stay calm and not hang them and their clueless parents on a hook outside to

  3. oh... the dating scene.. wow... i knew i was not alone in this area... lol... but at my age... mid 40's... the headache of meeting folks was nerve racking.. websites are dangerous sometimes.. as my BFF was always looking out for my well her for that... i became quit leary of people... but i know that on the right day and with patients the right one will come along and hopefully i will see him when he arrives... you sometimes miss the best things that are right in you face... :(
    thanks for this info